Do you often feel as though you take one step forward, two steps back in your business? Or that anytime you start to make headway you instinctively find yourself pulling back?

Whether you’re aware of it or not, you may be self-sabotaging and getting in the way of your own success.

On a conscious level we may think “Why would I ever do that?! OF COURSE I want to be successful!” But on the subconscious level it goes so much deeper than that.

Even if you have all the business know-how and feel like you’re making all of the right moves, there’s one specific thing that might be holding you back from making and receiving more in your business.

Your upper limit.

You may have heard of the term “upper limit problem” which was coined by Gay Hendricks in his groundbreaking book The Big Leap and IMO is a must-read for every entrepreneur.

In his book he explains how each of us has an internal limit of how much success, abundance, love and overall “good things” we think we deserve. When we start to reach or exceed those limits, we often subconsciously self-sabotage to bring ourselves back into our comfort zone.

Your upper limit essentially means that your nervous system capacity isn’t primed to be able to make, receive and hold “more” so you’re continually sliding back into your comfort zone.

Some examples of this subconscious self-sabotage could be pulling-back in your work, perfectionism and procrastination, getting sick (yes seriously - unmanaged stress can take a toll on your immune system!), starting an argument and basically anything that helps you get in your own way.

The other thing about upper limit problems is that you’ll likely encounter them at every new level that you try to achieve or break through. Have you ever heard the saying “new level, new devil”? It means that every time you try to bust out of your comfort zone, there will be new challenges and discomfort to overcome.

The good news is there’s actually a scientific reason why this happens and what we can do about it.

The good news.

The good news is that your brain and body are actually wired to do this. Why? To help keep you safe.

You see the brain and nervous system like familiarity because from an evolutionary perspective what’s familiar, feels predictable and safe. When we start introducing new things or experiences that we’re unfamiliar with it signals change to the brain and body, which then often responds with something along the lines of “This feels different, I’m not used to this, I don’t know how to handle this, I don’t like it! Abort mission!”

‘Aborting the mission’ then happens through those subconscious self-sabotaging behaviours to bring us back into our comfort zone of familiarity - even if that familiarity isn’t necessarily serving us.

Thankfully there are several things that we can do to expand and step outside of our comfort zone without sending shockwaves throughout our entire system.

Expect and accept it.

The first step in being able to move through your upper limits, increase your nervous system’s capacity to hold more and expand your comfort zone is accepting that this is normal and actually a good thing.

Your brain and body are just trying to keep you safe!

Even though staying safely within our comfort zone doesn’t lead to growth, knowing that this is what our body is wired to do can help us to recognize these moments of self-doubt and sabotage with much more understanding and self-compassion - instead of beating ourselves up and spiralling backwards even further.

When we accept that these uncomfortable feelings are a natural accompaniment to growth, we can be proactive and plan for the discomfort accordingly.

Pay attention to your patterns.

Now that we understand a little bit more about why we self-sabotage, can you look back on your journey and identify any moments of growth where you may have unwittingly self-sabotaged?

Perhaps you got a lot of positive feedback Instagram post or inquiries about a new offering and then ended up pulling back or ghosting your Instagram for a couple of weeks. Or perhaps you were working towards a fitness goal and as soon as you starting seeing progress you threw all of your new healthy habits out the window.

Although it can feel super cringe to look back on our moments of self-sabotage, it’s also an important growth opportunity for cultivating self-awareness.

If you had known that the discomfort you experienced (which can show up as stress, anxiety, fear, anger, physical ailments - just to name a few…) was a natural safety mechanism from your brain and body to try and boot you back into the safety of your comfort zone, would you have been able to recognize and approach it differently?

Take a few moments to reflect on how self-sabotage has shown up for you in the past. Do you recognize any patterns?

For example:

“When I feel stress I notice that I procrastinate on what I’m supposed to do by organizing every closet and drawer in my home.” Or “When I feel overwhelmed I notice that I get an urge to tune out by scrolling through social media or binging Netflix”.

Although we may not realize it, these patterns are actually serving us because they’re giving us what we feel we need in the moment, which oftentimes is an escape from the discomfort of stepping outside of our comfort zone. The shift happens when we can start to recognize our patterns and instead find other ways of fulfilling those needs without self-sabotaging.

Note: there’s nothing wrong with having coping strategies - again, they serve a purpose - that is until they get in the way of our goals, hinder our wellbeing and feel out of alignment with our core values.

Know the difference between your ego and your intuition.

One of the ways our brain tries to keep us safe when we’re bumping up against discomfort is to gift us (LOL) with limiting beliefs to try and keep us small and within the safety of our comfort zone.

This part of our psyche is often referred to as our ego and although it often gets a bad rap, we’ve established that it serves an important evolutionary purpose - repeat after me - to keep us safe.

The ego works in sneaky ways and it can be challenging to differentiate it from the internal “knowing” of our intuition.

Here’s how to differentiate your ego from your intuition:

Your EGO operates from a place of fear and tries to keep you safely within your comfort zone by telling you all of the reasons why something won’t work or why you’re not good enough.

The ego says things like “This idea is too big and too far out there, it’ll never work and no one will want it.”

Your INTUITION on the other hand, operates from a place of love and tries to keep you safe by looking out for you and also ensuring that your actions and behaviours are in alignment with your core values.

Your intuition says things like “This is a really big idea and although it feels scary and new, it also feels super exciting. It’ll take some work to get it off the ground but if you focus on the parts that light you up and how it can serve others, you’ll attract the right people and everything will work out even better than you can imagine!”

Can you feel the difference?

Identify and reframe your limiting beliefs.

Now that we’ve established how to differentiate between the ego and the intuition, it’s time to identify and reframe the limiting beliefs that the ego throws at us to keep us in our comfort zone.

Limiting beliefs are thoughts that hold you back.

They often show up in a mean-girl voice saying things like, “You’re not good enough” or “Nobody wants to work with you” or “You should just give up now”. RUDE, amiright?

Limiting beliefs will almost ALWAYS come up when we’re stepping outside the threshold of our comfort zone so it’s important to look out for them so we can question their validity and reframe them.

Limiting beliefs usually accompany those uncomfortable feelings such as stress, anxiety, fear and anger, so one of the ways to identify them is to tune into our body when we’re feeling those physical sensations and listen to the story that our brain in telling us. Usually it’s our body (nervous system) saying “This is new, this feels scary, I’m not ready for this” and then our brain creates a story to accompany it.

Once you’ve identified a limiting belief it’s time to question it. I often refer to Byron Katie’s “4 Liberating Questions” sequence to help notice and shift these limiting beliefs:

Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (In case you tricked yourself into thinking it was true the first time).
How do you react when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?

You can then take it a step further and ask:

How is this belief serving me?
If this belief isn’t true, what else might be true?

And remember: "New level, new devil”. There will be limiting beliefs that pop up around every corner of your growth, so make it a regular practice to tune in, identify limiting beliefs that might be holding you back and reframe them into new beliefs that serve your growth and expansion.

Tune in and work WITH the science of your body.

Your nervous system is essentially your body’s command centre and part of its job is to send messages back and forth between your body and your brain.

There are various parts to your nervous system, such as the autonomic nervous system which involuntarily controls things like your heart rate, blood pressure and digestion.

There is also your sympathetic nervous system, which activates physical reactions such as fight, flight, freeze and fawn; and your parasympathetic nervous system which brings your body back to a state of calm.

You can think of the sympathetic nervous system as the gas pedal that revs you up and and your parasympathetic nervous system as the brake that slows you down.

When we talk about our comfort zone we’re often referring to our nervous system’s “Window of Tolerance” (developed by Dr. Dan Siegel), which is the body’s optimal state for us to be able to think clearly and express ourselves in healthy ways.

When our body experiences something stressful that feels like too much too handle, it pushes us outside of our window of tolerance (comfort zone) and into hyperarousal (fight and flight) or hypoarousal (freeze and fawn) where our thinking brain essentially shuts down as our primal brain takes over.

One of the ways we can expand our window of tolerance is by intentionally bringing ourselves to the edge of our comfort zone, sitting with the discomfort that arises and using tools such as mindfulness and calming or energizing breathwork to gently activate the nervous system to let our body and brain know that we are safe and bring it back to a steady state.

The practical application of this as it pertains to your business would be to visualize experiences that feel like a stressor on your nervous system (perhaps becoming more visible in your business which may open you up to more criticism; or making more money which may require more responsibility; or taking on more clients which may result in people expecting more from you) and mindfully observing how your body reacts to these stressors. Then, instead of running away or shutting down you can gently let your body know that it is safe, that it can handle this and use your breath to promote a sense of calm and control.

Although it may be easier said than done, doing these practices on a regular basis will expand your nervous system’s capacity and help you to stay within your window of tolerance when stressors arise.

Other practices that help to expand our window of tolerance include exercise, adequate sleep, nourishing foods, cold water therapy, being in nature, mindfulness meditation and more.

Think ahead and put systems in place.

The other helpful aspect of this visualization and nervous system work is that it allows you to identify your “gaps” and put systems in place to support your growth and bring about a sense of safety.

For example, if you say that you want to have a $100K launch but deep down you have fears around being able to handle that amount of money, owing more taxes, lacking the systems to manage more clients, think you’ll have to work 24/7, worry that people will criticize you, or whatever other fears that come up - this work allows you to identify the missing pieces and put systems in place to support you.

Whether it’s having a clear system for handling your finances (I love Profit First!), working with an Accountant, hiring a Virtual Assistant to set up a CRM and manage client onboarding, setting clear boundaries around your work-life balance or working on your own internal validation and self-worth; being able to identify your blocks and put supports in place is integral for your growth, expanding your comfort zone and stopping self-sabotage.

It’s a lifelong practice.

This work is a lifelong practice and as we continue to reach for new opportunities we’ll continue to encounter new obstacles along the way.

My hope is that this post helps you cultivate a little more self-awareness around how your comfort zone works, why we self-sabotage and how you can work WITH the science of your brain and body to grow through it.

If you found this post helpful please share it with a friend or on social media so others can benefit! xx

Sources:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/briannawiest/2018/09/18/hitting-your-upper-limit-how-to-overcome-the-psychological-hiccup/?sh=2536e4ed27ce

https://www.marieforleo.com/blog/upper-limit-problem

https://embodiedpresencetraining.com/blog/what-is-the-window-of-tolerance

https://kidshelpphone.ca/get-info/understanding-your-window-of-tolerance-for-stress/?fbclid=IwAR3BLXvg6YNsnWeKQt_KFhu0B4f2KLgqQ1VQBhojflfDx9pn9IAeYbB5O8c

The Science Behind Self-Sabotage and Breaking Through Your Upper Money Limits